Poofy Sale!

Poofy Organics has a 15% off sale until Monday at 11:59 est. This is a big deal, especially combined with all first time orders get a 10% rebate from me. You must use the promo code to get the discount. There is no way for them to go back and apply it to a previous purchase.

There are some great gift sets available that also get the 15% off. And, starting December 1st is the 12 Days of Poofy, with a new item on 50% off each day (limit two per customer). The next sale won’t be until Earth Day, so this is a great chance to stock up!

Some of my favorite Poofy products are the shea buttershampoo barshair wax, and essential oils, all USDA organic. I am really excited to get to try the Anti StickEverything Salve, and Ta Ta Dandruff shampoo (about to be renamed). I will be getting Tinsel Town nail polish for Wallace and some wax melts as gifts for family.

I believe in these products and this company so much that I have paid more in website fees in the last year and a half than I have received in commission. I love knowing that every product is toxin free, non carcinogenic, vegan, and gluten free.

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MicroBlog Monday: A Case of the Mondays

Now that I have a very regular weekday job for the first time since before Wallace was born, Monday means something to me. I’m generally one of those chipper folks with a solid work ethic, but the people I work with and the limits of my job are bringing me down. It’s also quite depressing to have a government position that pays nowhere close to a living wage, is part time, and has no benefits, therefore requiring that my income be subsidied by the government. A bit ironic, I think.

This particular Monday was made more Monday by my cold. I had a coughing fit while on the phone with a client and got whiplash from sneezing. I’m also on my period and got a headache from the whiplash. I would have rather spent Monday in bed with a book.

Wallace also tends to start out optimistic about Mondays, but by the end of the day he’s wiped out. I had to help him up from the floor half a dozen times before I put him to bed an hour early. We rarely have quality time together on weeknights and I hate all the fun moments I miss out on with him.

This job and school situation is temporary, so I hope Mondays will take on a new meaning again sometime.

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Just Me

I don’t get to write enough because I am so busy with work, parenting, doing all the household things, yoga teacher training, and instagram. I really need to do less instagram, but whatever, it keeps me feeling more connected.

Except, right now. Right now I am feeling overwhelming lonely. I have not been hanging out with any friends regularly, the people at work don’t really like me and it’s obvious, my mom is still flippant, and I don’t have anyone keeping me company with a perpetual text conversation. I feel like it is just me, with no one really giving a shit and backing me up. Parenting right now is challenging and I’m sick to boot. I’m on a couple dating sites, but it is all just the same people and a few short lived conversations.

So, that’s where I’m at right now. Everyday blending with the next, trying to get through each moment, and felling very alone and on my own. It’s just me and I’m losing hope that will change.

Posted in background, LGBTQ, Parenting, Single Mother by Choice - SMC | 8 Comments

It’s Poofy Time!

BlackFridaySale

There’s a big Poofy Organics sale coming up and I want to celebrate with a giveaway! The sale is Black Friday through Cyber Monday, November 24th to 27th, 2017. The giveaway will be held through Rafflecopter and there will be updates posted on my Instagram account. I will be giving away two gift certificates, one for $10 and one for $5. They will  be emailed to the winners and can be used immediately or saved for the sale or a later date.

WinterGiveawayGraphic

Click here to enter the Giveaway! To enter the giveaway, you must be signed up as my Poofy customer (not eligible if you are already another person’s customer). You also get points for browsing and picking out items and for following me on Instagram. The giveaway is live until 11/19 at 12am and is open to US residents only as Poofy does not currently ship outside of the US. Good luck!

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Exhaustion

Wallace and I are both running on empty while trying to do too many things. I don’t know how to get us both more rest or decrease our to do lists.

He has preschool four days a week and comes with me to babysit on Fridays. We try to see friends now and then and there’s this whole business of Halloween, which is much protracted compared to what it was like 30 years ago. He also needs his down time playing by himself, reading and playing games one on one, and having some quality time with me. He doesn’t nap at school, and hasn’t napped even semi regularly in a year, so he falls asleep on the way home most afternoons. I have a hard time remembering to get him a few baths a week and getting him in bed by 8 is a struggle.

I work four days a week and then babysit for a single mom of three boys. I also have to do all the cleaning, shopping, cooking, and basic life things. I have yoga teacher training for five hours every Sunday and am supposed to be doing reading, daily home practice, taking classes, and observing classes. I think I am not eating enough as I’m in a food slump and nothing seems good. I am not usually getting to bed by 10, despite desperately needing to be, and my mornings are a hectic rush going to be made worse by the need to scrape windows. I’m trying to balance money, push through office politics to get my work done, maintain a positive attitude, stay connected with my kid, find time to shower, and eat healthy.
I need a few more hours in the day to juggle it all.

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In Summary

*I just wrote this as an intro in a breastfeeding support group. I am sharing it here since I don’t get to write about breastfeeding much anymore.*
Hello! I want to introduce myself and share my breastfeeding story in case it can help anyone. My son is now 4 1/2 and doing great; he breastfed until almost 3 after being faced with nearly every challenge. I am a single mom by choice and my son was born at 41w5d after a 60ish hour labor, 5 on pitocin. I have celiac disease and absorption issues and one of my big reasons for breastfeeding was to give my son the best chance he could at gut health. I took a hospital breastfeeding class and one at WIC, I joined support groups online, and went to LLL meetings. Breastfeeding hurt terribly and my newborn nursed constantly. He screamed and cried if he wasn’t on me and nursing (classic high needs baby, I later found out. The dr Sears article on it was an eye opener). By 5 weeks old, I knew something wasn’t right, though people in support groups and LLL mostly brushed off my concern. Someone mentioned to look for tongue and lip ties, which then prompted memories of my need for speech therapy and my lip tie breaking when I was about 13. I also did not, and never did, respond to any pumps. At the 5 week dr appointment I made when I realized he wasn’t gaining and ties were an issue, the two female doctors told me he was fine and to just pump if it hurt. I left, cried, trusted my gut, and kept fighting for help. I reached out to the IBCLC who taught the hospital class and started supplementing with milk from a friend. The IBCLC did weighed feeds, taught me how to support him for a little better latch, taught me how to use a SNS, and agreed he appeared to have ties. I was able to get his tongue clipped by an ENT at 10 weeks and raised money to get his lip lazered by a dentist (ENT refused to do it stating it doesn’t effect breastfeeding). His latch and transfer improved a little, my pain decreased some, but anytime he had a bottle his latch was messed up again. I had pretty severe low supply due to him not being able to nurse well in the crucial first weeks. I was able to find a bottle that worked for him (breastflow), and kept acquiring donor milk, but not before a breastfeeding ignorant doctor reported me to CPS for neglect. Part of the conditions of getting the allegations denied was weekly visits with a RN/LC while I got set with a new doctor. These LCs told me a lot of horrible misinformation that I had to work against. In one visit one of them told me to give my baby a pacifier to prevent SIDS when he is sleeping and then later said to limit his time at the breast because he was wasting energy suckling. I knew better, and along with the bottles and SNS of donor milk, I put him in a ring sling and nursed around the clock. At 6 months, we experienced our first letdown! He was suckling and sleeping in the sling when all of a sudden his eyes popped open and he gulped and gulped for about a minute. It was amazing. By about 9 months, he was gaining quite well and looking chubby. We had found a new doctor and our rhythm of feeds/bottles/solids. Some things had been ruled out, such as absorption issues, but there were many things that were never discussed or tested for. Though he was now gaining well, he was way behind on gross and fine milestones. He couldn’t sit, roll either way, or pincer grasp, his head lagged when helped up into sitting, and when put on his feet, his toes pointed to the sides and he had no ability to support himself. We were denied early intervention and the latest doctor reported me for neglect when we had an appointment to try to get a prescription for therapies. I had begun to suspect something bigger when she wanted me to take him to a neurologist, but no one talked to me about possibilities. I got through those false allegations again and we moved out of state for a job, which had the added benefit of lower requirements for early intervention and a doctor who at least supported breastfeeding and his growth. My son was diagnosed with hypotonia, low muscle tone, which though it explained a lot, is not a diagnosis but a symptom. PT and feeding therapy helped, but he was still small, delayed, and a horrible sleeper. His last bottle of donor milk came shortly after night weaning (I was losing too much weight and he was waking every hour, not letting me lie down). When he was 2 1/2, I was in a support group for families with children with hypotonia. It felt like there was a good chance he would be diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy if we made it to the neurologist. He couldn’t run, still fell a lot while walking, couldn’t use a spoon, couldn’t jump, and he woke about every 2-3 hours. He was also wearing mostly 12-18m size clothes and 2nd percentile. I learned about the Preemie Growth Project in that support group and started my son on trace minerals the next day. Within a couple months on a full dose, he was growing, jumping, and sleeping so much better. Six months in and he was solidly in 2T by his 3rd birthday and on a break from therapies. He was sleeping 4-6 hour stretches at night and had weaned a couple months before due to my work schedule and him only napping before nap and bed. The doctors now dismiss his global hypotonia, he’s been discharged from therapies, and you can’t tell him apart from other kids his age.

There is a lot of misinformation out there, most doctors don’t trust breastfeeding or know how to actually help with it, growth charts aren’t the end all be all but do matter, and trusting your gut (not just your heart), and that your view of success can change over time. My son and I dealt with low supply, tongue and lip ties, thrush, food intolerances, hypotonia, nipples that cracked, scabbed, bled, became misshapen and discolored during feeds, lack of letdown for 6 months, silent reflux, accidental mint, bottle refusals, and some sort of bleeding/pain that wasn’t mastitis but never got a diagnosis. It was not what I expected, but I’ve found my passion and my drive. Thank you for reading and I hope something in my story helps you.

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National Coming Out Day

This February will mark 16 years since I began coming out. Half my life! I say began because I continue to come out everyday. They aren’t nearly as dramatic and terrifying as the first time, those first years, but they are a lot more measured.

Circa 1999, a year before I realized I am gay.

There is still uncertainty and risk involved in each decision and conversation. Today, I came out at a work conference to a person at a statewide level over lunch. I had to come out at my new job, but I haven’t come out to any clients. I had to come out to Wallace’s teachers, but I don’t know how they will be handling this week’s unit on families or what they will say if a classmate asks Wallace about his dad.

Sometimes, coming out looks like a normal conversation but feels like a huge, anxiety inducing weight. I met a friend of a friend a few years ago and found out as we started talking that she had never knowingly met a gay person before. That’s a lot of pressure being the spokesperson for millions of people around the world! Sometimes, it feels freeing to spit it out and just rip the bandaid off. And doing so can even inspire others to come out to me, to trust me with a part of themselves they might not readily share, such as I had happen recently on Instagram.

Even after 16 years, I am finding microagressions of homophobia flung in my face not unlike the pop bottle I had thrown at me from a car along with the insult “dyke!” (No, it’s not always an insult, but it can be used as a weapon.) Sometimes the homophobia is slipped into conversations and interactions like the negative treatment I received at my first midwife practice when I told them I am gay. And there are times I don’t realize it happened until after the fact, such as when I wanted to be a LLL leader and was told that as a single parent by choice I would not qualify (this is not LLL policy, but I chose not to report the leader or make a fuss). It wasn’t until I was in the car, explaining the interaction to a friend that she affirmed my experience and gave it words.

There is no coming out day for me, because everyday I have to come out or decide not to.

Me trying to dress nice for work, but still looking hella gay.

Posted in background, LGBTQ, Parenting, pictures, Single Mother by Choice - SMC | Tagged | 1 Comment