Shmancakes

The best way to get back to blogging is to just blog. Use the medium instead of something else. Like instagram, which I’m a bit addicted to and am considering deleting from my phone again.

Last night I was so exhausted I took my temperature to see if I was sick. No fever and I went to bed with Wallace at 8:30. I woke up at 11:30, 2 something, 3 something, 5 something, 5:30, 7 and 7:30. Those are the times I can recall. A few times I just woke up for no reason. A few times I woke up from Wallace. One of which was a nightmare that he was stung on the knee by a wasp. I’m still exhausted.

So I made pancakes because I wanted to and doing standing up things seemed like a good idea. I have started eating more grains, though still avoid oats and corn (and of course gluten). But even with grains, vegan goodies can be tricky. I decided to see if Stump Kitchen had made any and found my way to this recipe.

I mixed them up, had some issues with my cast iron pan on the electric burner, switched to a nonstick pan and managed to make 20 oblong pancakes. Twenty for 2 people! I wish I had a Hungry Thing to come eat some of these with us.

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Dinner Ramble

It’s been one of those days where it’s 8:30 and I’m just now eating dinner. Leftover noodles and steamed broccoli…

I haven’t wanted to write much lately, though I always feel better if I do. My cat dying at the end of January was really hard for me, as well as Wallace. Wallace is approaching 5 and his behavior has been very challenging. For instance, today he had two huge meltdowns that included hitting and kicking and lots of yelling. It ate up all our energy and my time to get my work done.

I’ve been busy getting my Amazon inventory back up, going to Chicago for court for my 8 year old workers comp case, teaching and doing yoga, and of course parenting and doing all those adulting things. Oh right, and I’ve met someone…

I have only had one relationship since having Wallace and overall have had many cases of the Lonelies over the years. I have been on multiple dating sites, playing their swipe games and having little conversations, but nothing so much as an awkward date. A fellow SMC friend told me to join one more site back in January, so I did. I wasn’t expecting much, but some conversations were happening. Then someone messaged me and we immediately clicked despite all intentions for being just mom friends.

Conversation flowed, we moved to text, and there was a little flirting going on. An opportunity presented itself for us to hang out without our kids and we met up for a movie. It was cold, I hadn’t been to a movie in 5 1/2 years, and we’d been talking so much already that I figured a movie would be alright. We talked a bit during the movie so I had to keep leaning in to hear her, she hugged me after, and when I got in my car I realized I was twitterpated. She told me today that my body was angled toward her the whole movie and she thought I was going to hold her hand. I had no such plan, but clearly this was not going to be just friends!

It took a while for us to get to hang out again as we both have a kid we are the sole parent of and jobs and lives. We managed a cafe meet up the day before I left for Chicago. We talked for over an hour, which was too short, followed by a hug, which was also too short. We’ve talked about some big subjects already, such as how another baby is in my future and she is not very into that idea, parenting, relationships, and Buddhism. We have managed to make more time to see each other inbetween work and picking up kids and before yoga; just about any moment we can make happen.

I could write a whole post about our first kiss and the instant homesickness we both feel when we part. It’s barf bag quality 😉 I was pretty convinced these kinds of feelings weren’t going to happen for me, either because I’m incapable of them or I missed my chance, but they are and I loving it. We are proceeding slowly with lots of authentic communication, flirting, and found moments.

That’s all for now as I am tired and still have work to do. Hopefully I get back into the habit of writing here and come up with a nickname for my new mom friend. Since she goes to bed really early, I should use this time to write more.

Clippings

Everytime I clip Wallace’s nails, I think about a high school classmate and if he was able to clip his daughter’s nails. Then I think about how he died (sad story ahead). I don’t know why this obsessive thought has been with me for two years, so I’m going to write about Daryne.

I met Daryne when I was in 11th grade. He was cognitively challenged and associating with him came with a stigma. He was very friendly, always had a smile on his face and a wave. He had short dark hair that stuck up a bit and a way of clinging onto a subject or person that made him hard to shake. I didn’t talk with him much and mostly just saw him in passing. At some point, he started working at Kroger as a bagger, which really suited his gregarious personality.

Two years ago, after my step dad died, my step sister told me that Daryne had been killed. That shook me. She explained that a few years before, he was lured into a relationship with a woman due to his savings, they got married, and had a kid. I was floored. Daryne never seemed like he had the wherewithal to navigate a relationship and consent to marriage. I thought parents would have stepped in and prevented someone taking advantage of him like this.

Daryne bought a house in an older subdivision, she left him, and they divorced. His mom had to supervise all visitations with his daughter because he wasn’t capable of being responsible for a child. And this is where my obsessive question picks up. I am sure that he loved his child very much and beamed with pride. I am sure he was a great father, so caring. But, could he take care of her basic needs? Could he clip her nails? It’s such a simple nurturing act. I just can’t get over these thoughts.

So, then it gets worse. His mom killed him and his daughter. She violently murdered them. She left a note. She killed her son and granddaughter because she couldn’t handle the responsibility anymore. My step sister said she knew his mom as she worked at the bank she went to for years. She said she was obsessive and creepy, as in showed up at my step sisters house multiple times by using her bank info to get her address.

In writing this, I decided to look into if the case was tried and found this article about the court case and this article about the family situation. It doesn’t answer my question, but it gets it off my chest.

2018 Intentions

I’ve never been one for setting New Year’s resolutions, but I feel like right now would be a good time to set intentions. Words are powerful and I believe these need to be stated in the present tense for the strongest effect. I also believe in Newton’s Laws:

In an inertial frame of reference, an object either remains at rest or continues to move at a constant velocity, unless acted upon by a force. So, maybe the changing of the calendar can be the force that acts upon me to change me direction and velocity. Aka, I need a little kick in the pants. I have goals in life and I need to make them happen. Here’s what’s on my mind for 2018. I practice yoga and meditation daily to achieve physical and mental well-being and to be a better parent. I make a conscious choice to fuel my body with the best foods I can. I prioritize my creative pursuits, such as sewing, crafting, writing, and reading. I focus my energy on my business endeavors in order to get out of debt, provide financial stability for Wallace, and to become independent and in our camper. I notice what areas and people in my life need changing and allow myself to do so if it’s in my best interest. I might come back and tweak these to better express myself, but I think it is a solid place to start. Happy New Year!

Up to Speed

• December 8th, I quit my job at WIC. The way I was being treated was deteriorating, not getting better, and I had clients notice it as well. I cleaned out my desk before leaving Thursday and no one noticed. I sent a formal resignation email Friday at 4:30. I then got a text from the director Monday about 10am asking if I was coming into work. My adrenaline kicked in and crashed shortly after. She hadn’t seen the email, her fault, not mine. I then got messages from a coworker, one of the ones who played into the issues, at how shocked she was I quit. She had never bothered to get my number the 4 months we shared an office… I am sad this position did not work out for me, though I loved the job and working with moms.
• I have been sick with various things for about 6 weeks. At one point I was coughing so uncontrollably that I went to urgent care and was prescribed steroids and an inhaler. As I finally got over that illness, I got a GI bug from babysitting and then a cold on top of that. I am dealing with a perpetual sinus infection now. I am taking zinc, vitamin C, D3, running a humidifier, and using my neti pot multiple times a day.
• I have thrown myself back into sourcing books, though I am faltering at getting them listed and sent in. I found a registered for a new scanning app and love it. I have also found a Goodwill Outlet, which is interesting and sometimes leads to gems. It is sometimes challenging having to manage my own schedule again, but is easier with Wallace in school 4 days a week.
• Christmas was a wild ride. We missed out on my dad’s side’s Christmas party because my grandparents are too frail to be exposed to our germs. I decided to sew cloth bags instead of using wrapping paper, so stayed up late a couple nights working on them. Christmas eve, we went to my step sisters house for a lunch I couldn’t eat, along with my mom and my (estranged) brother. She put on Santa Clause 3 and gave Wallace some weird presents. Christmas morning, Wallace was up about 7, we started opening presents while waiting for my step brother, sister in law, and my (estranged) brother. When they got there, we finished up presents and had brunch. We were supposed to go to my cousin’s house, but it was too far away to make happen with the snow we had. My dad came over two days ago to bring presents to Wallace, they had a blast together. Then he came with us to a used bookstore. Yesterday, we babysat for a fellow SMC (of three boys!) and exchanged presents. I am hoping to head to my aunt’s house for a visit soon, since we missed seeing them.
• I started packing lunch for Wallace after parent teacher conferences. He was being fed so much bread and crackers at school, and barely eating fruit and vegetables there or at home. He’s already had a big increase in eating healthy foods and I hope it continues after winter break. Other than food, I love his school and teachers.
• At the used book store, I found a Nikki Giovanni book. I started reading it that night and wrote a poem while reading the introduction… my first completed poem in years! I used to be a performance/slam poet in Chicago. I had paid gigs and even made a CD and very limited run chapbook. I had a round of venues I’d go to for open mics and participated in slams. I tried to get into the scene in Denver, by doing a few open mics and slams and one paid gig. It just never felt like home. I haven’t performed since a few months before I got pregnant. I miss it a lot. Maybe this is the start of writing again.

I am sure I missed something big, but I need to neti pot, shower, and sew a 4th birthday present for a friend of Wallace’s. I’ve been reading blogs now and then, but hope to get back in the swing of writing as well. What have you been up to? How have your holidays gone? Any ideas on how to celebrate New Years with a 4 year old without staying up late?

Poofy Sale!

Poofy Organics has a 15% off sale until Monday at 11:59 est. This is a big deal, especially combined with all first time orders get a 10% rebate from me. You must use the promo code to get the discount. There is no way for them to go back and apply it to a previous purchase.

There are some great gift sets available that also get the 15% off. And, starting December 1st is the 12 Days of Poofy, with a new item on 50% off each day (limit two per customer). The next sale won’t be until Earth Day, so this is a great chance to stock up!

Some of my favorite Poofy products are the shea butter, shampoo bars, hair wax, and essential oils, all USDA organic. I am really excited to get to try the Anti Stick, Everything Salve, and Ta Ta Dandruff shampoo (about to be renamed). I will be getting Tinsel Town nail polish for Wallace and some wax melts as gifts for family.

I believe in these products and this company so much that I have paid more in website fees in the last year and a half than I have received in commission. I love knowing that every product is toxin free, non carcinogenic, vegan, and gluten free.

MicroBlog Monday: A Case of the Mondays

Now that I have a very regular weekday job for the first time since before Wallace was born, Monday means something to me. I’m generally one of those chipper folks with a solid work ethic, but the people I work with and the limits of my job are bringing me down. It’s also quite depressing to have a government position that pays nowhere close to a living wage, is part time, and has no benefits, therefore requiring that my income be subsidied by the government. A bit ironic, I think.

This particular Monday was made more Monday by my cold. I had a coughing fit while on the phone with a client and got whiplash from sneezing. I’m also on my period and got a headache from the whiplash. I would have rather spent Monday in bed with a book.

Wallace also tends to start out optimistic about Mondays, but by the end of the day he’s wiped out. I had to help him up from the floor half a dozen times before I put him to bed an hour early. We rarely have quality time together on weeknights and I hate all the fun moments I miss out on with him.

This job and school situation is temporary, so I hope Mondays will take on a new meaning again sometime.