I live by my to-do list and fail to get things done if I don’t have one. On the top of my list today was yoga. My neck and shoulders have been hurting and I wasn’t able to turn my head to the right yesterday.
Instead of starting right in on homework before bed last night, I stretched. Instead of wiping the counters and sweeping this morning, I did yoga and stretched. I need to get back to doing this daily desipite fweling constantly swamped with things to do. It keeps my body feeling better and my neck pain at bay.
Wallace is almost asleep and then I will do my yoga and start on Women’s History reading. I constantly feel behind on school, housework, sewing, Amazon, and now Poofy. I need to take on less but I don’t know how to make that a reality. Just writing this and I am remembering more things I need to do and don’t know where they will fit in. Oh well, I just keep trucking along.
I wrote down a daily schedule for Wallace and I and I’m hoping it will help us get a flow to our day, have fewer meltdowns, and make it so I’m not up until midnight doing school work. Wallace tends to take written lists as rule of law, so this should help with the power struggles we’ve been having.
As a single parent, self care is hard! I usually put Wallace’s needs first and only have so much energy and time. I’m trying to make a point to take care of myself and my health so that I cam enjoy these moments and days.
The Autoimmune Protocol is proving helpful and time consuming. I am sticking to it as best I can and not being hard on myself about it. The first reaction from people is either “well *I* couldn’t do that!” or “what *can* you eat?” Frankly, I couldn’t keep living the way I was feeling and was only getting worse. Dastric measures are often a good thing. As for what I can eat, “meat, fruit, and vegetablea minus nightshades” is my tylical response. I make some amazing meals and like eating them though I struggle with breakfast and have lost a few pounds. I crave things I know I react to, test myself with things I don’t, and generally appreciate that I can stand up every morning and have fewer migraines.
In the name of Take Care of Myself month, we took a trip to the local health food store. I bought Niacin, iron, and more zinc. I also take probiotocs, magnesium, and methylated folate. I bought a paleo chocolate (not AIP) and a treat for Wallace. I also got Wallace more trace minerals and will figure out how to get some iron in him as his RBC was low. Ooh, and I need to order some Chinese herbs for my liver as I have run oit and my anger has been flairing.
Yesterday, I had a migraine and today it was coming back from neck pain. It is thankfully gone but I need to focus on doing at least my minimal yoga as well as watching my posture. Carving out these minutes are hard but at least I got a lot of school reading done while Wallace had a car nap today.
I woke up this morning feeling like my old self, as in the chronic fatigue I have been dealing with for 3 years and slowly recovering from through AIP. I could barely stand, everything hurt, face swollen, and utterly exhausted. So today, I just got through it as best I could.
It is now 9:00pm and Wallace is breathing deep. I’m going to have another sip of my valerian root tea and go to bed early. There’s a sociology paper due tonight but it has a one week grace period. I’m allowing myself to take that and turn it in tomorrow. I don’t know what caused this relapse into barely functioning but I’m going to listen to my body and go to bed.
Today’s taking care of myself moment was about saying yes to friends. I often feel alone and isolated due to being a single parent who doesn’t work outside of the house and has no queer community or best friend. I wallow in it sometimes, usually after trying and failing to make new friends or get old ones to hang out. And sometimes when a friend invites us to something, I balk at the energy and planning (and money) involved. But today I said yes.
My friend got free tickets for the Renaissance Festival so I said Yes to going with her. I faced some ghosts and went. Wallace fell asleep on the way there, my friend was late meeting us, and it was ridiculously muddy and crowded, but I said yes. It was Wallace’s first time and I’m sure I haven’t been in over ten years. I wanted to go slow and let Wallace and the other kids explore, but we had a time limit. I should have said yes to going earlier in the season but oh well. At least we went now!
My blog has been sorely neglected, much like my self care, the last few months. I’m going to change both of those things right now. Every day this month I will write on my blog. My goal is to get things flowing again and reclaim this space as I focus on doing things that nuture myself.
I have always been the type of person who enjoys being busy, always undertaking projects, but as a mom I lose my Self in the mess of life and all the things I have to get done. I need to focus on those moments and rituals that I enjoy and that I do for the sake of my own happiness and wellbeing.
I didn’t think of this topic until just now, so I didn’t intentionally do something for me. We did go to the farmer’s market, which is a trip I enjoy despite the toll it takes on my energy. We shopped for good food, visited with familiar faces, and ran into some unexpected people, too. I treated us to pho and yam fries, not AIP foods. I told Wallace to get up off the floor at least 30 times and stated for the 100th time that I need a collapsable shopping cart.
This kid lights me up.
We came back home, I got some school done, my mom made dinner, we went for a walk, and then it was bedtime. I’ve 0got to get back o school work and hopefully have an early bedtime tonight!
I am taking two online classes that are heavy in reading and thinking. I am working on my Amazon income, setting up to sell Poofy Organics and sorting out how to make sewing for income a reality. I am doing the autoimmune protocol, cook, clean, do laundry, entertain Wallace, try to get out for a good walk everyday, and drink valerian root tea nightly so I can sleep without the relentless thoughts swirling around.
The motorhome is in storage and is a cluttered mess inside. I have a couple curtains I still need to make, a water heater that might not work, and no mattress. I just want to pack us in and go but have to be responsible and sit tight while I get money coming in. If I had solar power and $500 a month that didn’t go to bills, we would just go. I’m still not sure how I’m going to get to the IBCLC dream and what I will do when that happens. I just want another baby.
Meanwhile, Wallace is growing and learning and changing daily. I make a point to look right at him when we talk, which is not something I excell at. He is creative and funny and clumsy. He is so sweet but learning about violence. He wants to be a squirrel for halloween and has outgrown his pizza shorts. He will play with trains and cars and duplos and marble runs. He will sit for a dozen books or read quietly alone. He is learning letters and numbers because he wants to. I think he senses the power they hold. The neighbor puppy is as obsessed with Wallace as he is with Hudson.
Time to get moving and get some school done.
I just have to jump in and start writing again. This time around, with stress and changes and loneliness, I haven’t wanted to write much. I know I really should and that I will be sad I didn’t keep record of Wallace’s life and my thoughts.
Somehow, naps at home have been reinstated after almost a year of only car naps (stopped wanting to nap at home when he weaned). I don’t know if it’s a growth spurt or a sleep begets sleep thing but he really needs it. It started with him falling asleep in the car more and then staying asleep when I transferred him to bed. When we moved in with my mom, it became harder to transfer him to bed because she’s on the third floor. Then he started staying asleep and wanting to be held for the rest of his nap.
One day a couple weeks ago, he was so tired and whining “I don’t know what to do!” I asked him if he wanted to take a nap and he said yes. I got him to sleep in my bed and made it a regular part of the day for about a week. Appointments and errands sometimes mess us up and car naps are still a thing. I’m sitting in the car as I type.
I try to get the naps earlier, 1-3ish, because if they go too late he does have a hard time falling asleep at night. He will get almost to sleep and then wake up from the start of a dream. Once he’s out, he is out for the night and sleeps until 7:30 or so. If he doesn’t nap, he doesn’t eat well and is understandably cranky.
Part of me is anxious something isn’t right but I’m rolling with it as best I can and will be getting some more trace minerals soon to assist in his growth.