Sick & Solo

Last night was one of the rare moments that I really wanted to not be alone. It was the icing on a cake wreck of a horrible day (I will skip the moaning about work). I also was questioning my plan to have another baby in the future. I had a chart topping migraine yesterday.

I have always had migraines and they run in my family. I started at the ripe old age of zero with chronic car sickness. By the time I could talk, I would say “mommy, my head hurts.” At 11, I started seeing a specialist and was put on all kinds of pointless and damaging medicines. I stopped those at 18 but ended up back at a new doctor when I was 21. It was at that time that I got really sick, figured out I have celiac, and miraculously went from 6 days a week of migraines to 1 or 2 days a week. (I also dramatically decreased my anxiety, yay!)

I have been having a run of them for a few weeks now and nearly constant for the week I was on antibiotics (that’s a fun story I forgot to write about here). I can usually figure out what is going on, like bingeing on possibly unsafe ice cream or a sauce that must have had gluten while eating out. Sometimes it is the weather, my back or neck, stress, or, ya know, not getting any decent sleep for close to two years.

I will spare you the details of last night, but know there was a point where Wallace just stood there next to me crying and not knowing what to do. I managed to get him to bed at 6:30 (he had a rough day at work too) and fell asleep shortly after. It would have been really good to have someone else to help me with him when I could barely take care of myself.

I took today off from work, which I can’t afford to do, but I know what these migraine hangover days are like if I don’t take it easy. It is still hanging around in the form of light and motion sensitivity and a little pain. I thought it was going to come back full force when we went downstairs to get the clean laundry that has been sitting in the laundry room for 2 days.

I am thankful Wallace is a boy and is unlikely to inherit this family legacy. What if I have a girl next time and doom her to a life of migraines? What if I get plagued with them even worse the next pregnancy and can barely take care of Wallace or have to stop working? I definitely don’t want repeats of last night.

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About JennP

Single mom by choice, lesbian, natural living, parenting, car free, Chicago.Thank you for reading and feel free to leave a comment!
This entry was posted in background, family, Linked Up, Parenting, Single Mother by Choice - SMC and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Sick & Solo

  1. Lindsay says:

    I wish we lived closer to one another so we could help each other in moments like this. I really, truly feel for you. I wish there was a way to help with your migraines…it sucks that you have to live with this chronic issue. I get them rarely, and they are incredibly debilitating.

    Here’s to today being a better day.

  2. Thanks. Yeh it would be great to be able to help each other. I definitely don’t like the feeling of not having anyone I could call. Well, when I was sick a couple months ago, I did get some offers of grabbing medicine for me. If it were an emergency I feel I could ask a couple people for help. Not having a go to emergency friend is hard.

  3. Sarah says:

    Migraines are the worst! Well, the worst so far for me. It is so overwhelming just when you’re on your own, to say nothing of having a child who can’t understand and relies on you alone throughout your pain. I hope they become fewer and farther between for you!

  4. I have hope that with menapause they will go away completely.

  5. I’m so sorry 😦 I’ve only had a couple of migraines in my life and they sucked. I can’t even imagine having them chronically. I hope that your coming days get better.

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