Oh the Labels!

This post brought to you by this post on autostraddle.

When I started my blog searching 5 years ago, it was just beginning to be popular to write about your parenting experiences. Blogs were providing a unique space for everyday people from different walks of life to write and connect. I read everything that I could find by lesbian parents and parents to be. Sometimes I would go back to the beginning of their blog and read for hours on end. (I was recovering from wrist surgery and unable to work or continue school.) At that time I was still kidding myself that I would have a partner to parent with but I did find one single (straight) mom by choice. Most of these families were middle or upper class and every one that I can recall were white. The lack of diversity didn’t go unnoticed but I was absorbed in the details of each family’s story and they were all quite different.

When I started this blog and started looking for other single moms by choice, the pickings were slim. I also found it really hard to search for and find blogs by people like me. I read what I could find and also checked out books from the library about lesbian pregnancy and parenting. It didn’t all fit my situation, especially since they advise against known donors and were assuming there would be a second parent, but it helped me to look at different options and determine what would fit for my future family.

We are all in search of people like ourselves, be it background, race, sexuality, taste in books – intersecting labels. We need that mirror image for validation and comfort. It can be hard to appreciate the differences and see the similarities when we slather ourselves in restrictive/descriptive labels and limit ourselves to only exact matches.

We need more queer voices, more single mom by choice voices, my people of color voices, but if we choose not to speak and share our stories then we won’t have those resources and make those connections. We can’t blame the people who do not fit these labels for their not being images and stories of people like us – people who aren’t striaght, white, coupled, cisgendered, well off and well educated.

If I limited myself to reading about queer, white, lower-middle class, crunchy, Buddhist, single moms by choice, I would be well and quite alone. All of our voices are unique and valuable. No one can speak for us besides ourselves.

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About JennP

Single mom by choice, lesbian, natural living, parenting, car free, Chicago.Thank you for reading and feel free to leave a comment!
This entry was posted in background, LGBTQ, Linked Up, Parenting, Single Mother by Choice - SMC and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Oh the Labels!

  1. Lindsay says:

    I am in full agreement. We all have a story worth telling, worth reading, worth sharing. I love reading blogs, but I admit to having a special affinity for other queer single moms by choice…though we are quite rare, at least in the blogosphere.

  2. I will be meeting another on saturday for a playdate and I think there is one more in my local rainbow families group! I just found a blog with a blogroll of SMCs but the grocery store is calling so I can’t look through them.

  3. Lindsay says:

    When you get a chance pls share them with me. I would love to read them.

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