I think I just need a venty rambling post to put things into words. I have been having a string of migraines, probably due to spring storms, and it just took me nearly two hours to get Wallace to sleep. Usually he is asleep in 20 to 40 minutes but with the late daylight he just won’t sleep some nights. I need blackout shades for both our rooms pronto
Anyway, the biggest thing on my mind is this great thing I have going with L. I wouldn’t say that I am dumstruck that we found each other (and I don’t believe in fate) but I wasn’t expecting this at all. I was so jaded and pessimistic about the whole dating thing but I need no convincing now.
I feel like we have talked about a lot of hard topics and all of the possible deal breakers. Between the two of us we have four (probably five) chronic conditions. I have a kid and want more. I have school plans that include moving across the country in less than a year. We both have some debt we are working on, but nothing overwhelming. We have some very similar habits and pet peeves. We seem to communicate well and there is definite trust and respect and of course attraction.
Wallace adores her and I really like seeing them together. I don’t want her to feel like I foist responsibility of him on her but it has been nice integrating her into our little routines and habits. She blends well with us. Wallace’s new independent streak with full on “I can do it!” was pretty funny this past weekend. I predicted he would want to have L help him and I was right. They even had some sweet cuddle moments and he insisted on sitting on her lap while I read him books. I don’t feel jealous, usurped, or upset in any way.
The way our lives are right now, we only get to see eachother on the weekends. L lives over an hour away, works second shift on weekdays, and lives with her grandparents to help them out. I’m newly back living with my dad, no job, no car, and ever so minimal help with Wallace (like sometimes I get to poop alone). Two weekends ago, she was sick with the flu she got from her grandparents and wasn’t able to come visit. This past weekend, we got Saturday afternoon to Sunday at Wallace’s bedtime together. She wasn’t feeling well Sunday and I had a migraine almost all day. Next weekend, we get only Sunday due to other obligations. I ave been able to borrow my dad’s car to drive to her on a weekday for a trip to a park and a picnic together before she had to go to go to work. We will get two nice long weekends together the end of the month and it will hopefully make up for the beginning.
We both want to see more of each other. A lot more. I don’t see a way of making it happen as things are. I have no plan and I hate that. If I had access to a car I could do a once a week drive to see her before work but it still wouldn’t be enough. We talk on the phone when we can but work schedules and nap times make that challenging. I know that this is going to help us not jump in super fast but it also sucks. We can’t just casually see each other multiple times a week for dinner, spending the night, a local event… It gets me down when I think about it.
My ice cream is long gone and I am sitting alone at the table in a quiet house. It is raining again. I put up sheets over my bedroom windows (blinds in place too) in hopes of getting to sleep in tomorrow. I should go to sleep.