What’s On My Mind

I think I just need a venty rambling post to put things into words. I have been having a string of migraines, probably due to spring storms, and it just took me nearly two hours to get Wallace to sleep. Usually he is asleep in 20 to 40 minutes but with the late daylight he just won’t sleep some nights. I need blackout shades for both our rooms pronto

Anyway, the biggest thing on my mind is this great thing I have going with L. I wouldn’t say that I am dumstruck that we found each other (and I don’t believe in fate) but I wasn’t expecting this at all. I was so jaded and pessimistic about the whole dating thing but I need no convincing now.

I feel like we have talked about a lot of hard topics and all of the possible deal breakers. Between the two of us we have four (probably five) chronic conditions. I have a kid and want more. I have school plans that include moving across the country in less than a year. We both have some debt we are working on, but nothing overwhelming. We have some very similar habits and pet peeves. We seem to communicate well and there is definite trust and respect and of course attraction.

Wallace adores her and I really like seeing them together. I don’t want her to feel like I foist responsibility of him on her but it has been nice integrating her into our little routines and habits. She blends well with us. Wallace’s new independent streak with full on “I can do it!” was pretty funny this past weekend. I predicted he would want to have L help him and I was right. They even had some sweet cuddle moments and he insisted on sitting on her lap while I read him books. I don’t feel jealous, usurped, or upset in any way.

The way our lives are right now, we only get to see eachother on the weekends. L lives over an hour away, works second shift on weekdays, and lives with her grandparents to help them out. I’m newly back living with my dad, no job, no car, and ever so minimal help with Wallace (like sometimes I get to poop alone). Two weekends ago, she was sick with the flu she got from her grandparents and wasn’t able to come visit. This past weekend, we got Saturday afternoon to Sunday at Wallace’s bedtime together. She wasn’t feeling well Sunday and I had a migraine almost all day. Next weekend, we get only Sunday due to other obligations. I ave been able to borrow my dad’s car to drive to her on a weekday for a trip to a park and a picnic together before she had to go to go to work. We will get two nice long weekends together the end of the month and it will hopefully make up for the beginning.

We both want to see more of each other. A lot more. I don’t see a way of making it happen as things are. I have no plan and I hate that. If I had access to a car I could do a once a week drive to see her before work but it still wouldn’t be enough. We talk on the phone when we can but work schedules and nap times make that challenging. I know that this is going to help us not jump in super fast but it also sucks. We can’t just casually see each other multiple times a week for dinner, spending the night, a local event… It gets me down when I think about it.

My ice cream is long gone and I am sitting alone at the table in a quiet house. It is raining again. I put up sheets over my bedroom windows (blinds in place too) in hopes of getting to sleep in tomorrow. I should go to sleep.

About JennP

Single mom by choice, lesbian, natural living, parenting, car free, Chicago.Thank you for reading and feel free to leave a comment!
This entry was posted in dating, Late Night Post, Single Mother by Choice - SMC, Sleep. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to What’s On My Mind

  1. Lindsay says:

    The distance really sucks, but as you said – it’ll help you from doing the UHaul thing as lesbians are wont to do at times!

    I had the same distance between me and the girl from Guelph I dated for a while. Ultimately, we decided the distance was too much. She was a single mom, too…and I really wanted someone who lived in the same city so we could do impromptu visits, etc..and every visit wouldn’t have to be so monumental. But I think, ultimately, if we had REALLY wanted to make it work, we could/would have. And if she is going to end up moving to Portland with you, all of this is temporary anyway. Just a year! You can do anything for a year. šŸ™‚

  2. I wish there were a train or some way to get down to see her sometimes! When I think of only weekends together for another year it makes me kinda sad. Hopefully I will be able to get a car at some point. I know I couldn’t do a true long distance thing for long, maybe a couple months if I knew there was a plan to be living closer after that. We are going to be spoiled by Wheatland trip and then a little mini camping vacation or something the weekend after. That will be nice!

  3. EQsMama says:

    Just found the link to your blog in my bookmarks and thought I’d see if you’re still writing here since you’re not around FB anymore. I’m glad you have found someone who makes you and W happy šŸ™‚ I know the feels – M and I lived ages away from each other and both worked long hours so we could only see each other on the weekends if it worked out. Monday mornings were so hard and depressing knowing we wouldn’t see each other again for a week. That’s why we ended up moving in together after only knowing each other for 7 months šŸ˜‰ Hope it all works out for you like it did for us šŸ™‚

  4. Hi! Thanks for remembering me and checking over here. I was thinking about you yesterday. If L and I move in together, it wouldn’t make sense to do it until the move to Portland for IBCLC School next April. Are you on instagram?

  5. EQsMama says:

    I am on Instagram but I don’t use it šŸ˜› Might have to get into it…if I have time, because Little Miss #2 is coming in a bit over a week. I’m eqsmama on there too šŸ™‚

  6. I will find you there in case you decide to start posting!

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