Dating

No, I’m not seeing someone new or even looking. I really don’t have the time, but I do have a lot of thoughts about it now. Even if I had the time to date, it would be highly unlikely I could meet someone in my small town, or even within half an hour and the assistance of the Internet.

I want to talk about more than just how jaded I am about finding someone who is compatible with me and my life. There’s a naive part of me that wants to hold out hope for someone I am attracted to, who has their shit together, and who I fall in love with. All of it mutual of course. The rest of me is not going to hold my breath that everything would line up for a real long term relationship to happen. Oddly, I am feeling less jaded after this break up, maybe thanks to seeing her true colors recently, than I was after A stopped talking to me last fall. That was just a couple months and not officially dating.

I think I approached this last relationship, my first real one since becoming a mom, cautiously and with logic. We talked about all of our deal breakers before we even met. That allowed us to discuss expectations and what our lives look like. It wasn’t a perfect job because I missed some things I should have seen, but it was a hell of a lot better than how I have approached relationships in the past.

Do I want to date? Yes. Do I think I will anytime soon? Hell no. I feel like this post is incomplete but I am blanking on what else I wanted to write about this. Oh well!

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About JennP

Single mom by choice, lesbian, natural living, parenting, car free, Chicago.Thank you for reading and feel free to leave a comment!
This entry was posted in background, dating, Single Mother by Choice - SMC. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Dating

  1. Dating with kids has all the potential to be really difficult. I’ve seen friends drag kids through damaging relationship after relationship (where within a week they’re calling this newest person “mama”) and boy it’s hard to watch. It sounds like you have a good plan for how to proceed (even if it isn’t easy), which I suspect will serve you and Wallace well.

    I’m sorry you’re so isolated though. That is the total pits.

  2. Hmm. That was really discouraging. I should also note that I’ve seen the exact opposite happen, where new people are introduced and everything works out well. (Thinking of one recent marriage in particular, where it appears to be relatively smooth integration of a new parent)

  3. Lindsay says:

    I understand this, wholly, minus the small town living.

    I have decided that I am in no position to date in a conventional way right now. I also have no desire to form a conventional relationship right now, trying to fit someone into this life I have built with Evelyn. It is simply too hard when she’s so little and dependent on me, to try to carve out time to foster a new relationship with someone.

  4. I tried to take it slow with Wallace in this but there was no way for me to establish a relationship with L without him meeting her first. He did get very attached but seems to be doing okay now. There was a rough week of unpredictable behavior from him and it was really hard.

  5. Hahahaha that’s okay. I get it. I have seen people make really bad decisions and involve their kids in them. Or, completely disregard their kids once they are in a relationship.

  6. You are surrounded by possible partners! Small town life sucks. My neighbors are a now married older gay couple. I think in the online dating stuff, there are a couple bi and looking for an extra lover couples in my town. Ugh. There has to be some hope for us!

  7. Wow, I can definitely see how that would be hard, living in a small town with very limited dating options, and also the higher stakes of having a child to consider. Relationship breakdown is hard, but it often gives you a clearer sense of what you need/want – then again, sometimes you meet someone, and you know it’s right even if some things aren’t what you imagined. My advice would be trust your gut (backed up by your brain), and compromise, but don’t settle. It sounds like you’ve got a good idea of what you’re looking for in a relationship, and that you’re level-headed about how to integrate that into your life. Not to be totally cliche, but love often comes when you least expect it. I was adamant that I needed ‘alone time’ when I met Di, but it just felt right (despite the insanity of being citizens of different countries).

  8. Lindsay says:

    Well, being surrounded by possible partners doesn’t change my reality – I have no time or energy for fostering a new relationship and no real way of getting out for dates without paying out the damn nose. Some day!

  9. I was definitely thinking this was it. But it turned out it wasn’t. Maybe it could have been but circumstances and logic gotta take priority.

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