I just read this from a post I wrote 3 years ago:
What I really want, what I think would be amazing, is a job that would allow me to bring him with me while having a positive impact on the community. Something that would serve a greater purpose in my life and the lives of those around me. Trouble is, I don’t know what that is and I only have a vague sense of the shapes it could take. Even if I knew what it was, I am not sure how I would manifest it, whether it was working for someone else or starting something of my own.
So I am putting this out there, just like I did when I knew I wanted to start a family. I want, I need, to make this happen. I need my life to be filled with purpose, and not just that of being a parent. I am in a community that needs it and is filled with burgeoning opportunities for helping each other and itself grow. So, universe, fit me into this puzzle. Show me what I need to be doing now and after my baby is born. Point me in that direction and show me the impact I can make. I am willing to put in all the work that is needed as long as I know that I am working with a purpose.
Being an IBCLC would definitely let me be a part of a community, helping people, and possibly allow me to bring my child/ren with me. I guess the universe showed me the need for knowledgeable breastfeeding support by putting me through the gauntlet! Though I still wish I could go to Portland, I am trying to figure out how to make this work without it. The piece of the puzzle that isn’t lining up is the supervised clinical experience. I can get all the science and health classes here, I can get the lactation education hours online, but I cannot figure out how to make it work for me to get the experience needed to take the exam and be a great IBCLC.
The reason I was digging around in my blog from three years ago, was that I have been doing some reflection. I have noticed my patterns and habits of behavior particularly in regards to relationships. Ending my relationship with L has somehow allowed me to process and reflect on the relationship before that with A. I really haven’t dealt with it because I was pregnant, then overwhelmed with a newborn and breastfeeding and doctors… I opened up communication with her today, mostly to apologize but maybe we can both have more clarity and understanding on what happened and why.
Gotta wrap this up because I have a wiggly toddler on my lap, a full bladder, and request to sing “stunkarink,” aka skinnamarink.