Hey, Hey!

It’s my birthday! I am now 31. I don’t think my birthday makes any difference this year. I had been hoping to make today my launch day, but that’s not going to happen. I have a hematologist appointment in a week and still haven’t sold the 5th wheel.

It’s no secret that I want another baby, another pregnancy, and I was hoping to have made that happen already. I have been having a ton of dreams and just woke up from the most detailed and real one. I’ve had dreams every week at least lately about ttc and pregnancy and birth.

The dreams are just getting more and more real, like she’s calling to me. I remember every contraction, push, feeling her crown, catching her, the placenta. I remember wanting to walk barefoot outside before transition and birthing in a squat position. I remember some of the people around me and the feeling of safety and being in control. I remember pulling her up to my chest and holding her tiny body, feeling her move. I remember naming her but now can’t recall what it was. Then when I woke up, she was gone and I miss her.

I wish it made sense to have another sooner than later. I just know I can’t do it on my own and doubtful I could manage it while in school. Putting off school is tempting but then there’s my health and needing to feel better before getting pregnant again. There’s also money, which I am lacking. Oh well, she will just have to stay in my dreams for a while longer. Be patient, little one.

About JennP

Single mom by choice, lesbian, natural living, parenting, car free, Chicago.Thank you for reading and feel free to leave a comment!
This entry was posted in background, pregnancy, Single Mother by Choice - SMC. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Hey, Hey!

  1. Happy Birthday! I know how you feel – I’m also feeling a strong urge to have another baby, but also trying hard to live in the moment and not worry about the when and how of it.

  2. Being on different continents from your donor makes it hard! I don’t know if Wallace’s would be interested again but I will be in the same state this summer.

  3. We are thinking that we’ll hopefully try when we’re all in NZ around Christmas, and then fly Di to Germany next winter to try a couple more times if that doesn’t work. But she still hasn’t gotten her period, so it’s hard to know.

    Have you been in contact with Wallace’s donor at all?

  4. That sounds worth a try!!! Mine came back at 10 months and I could tell I had been cycling a bit before that. I have friends who it came back as soon as lochi was done even with breastfeeding full supply.

    I email with him occasionally. He hasn’t replied to my last one a few months ago. I think I will email when we get on the road and see about at least a picnic in the park with both our families if he’s interested. I would love to meet his wife and kids. I only met him once because it worked first try (with him).

  5. We are hoping that it comes back soon so she can start charting. Apparently somperid one can delay things – anecdotally it can take months after stopping for ovulation to resume.

    A picnic with his family sounds nice!

    I am super excited for J to meet our friend/donor and his family.

  6. Domperidone? I did not know that but that is good to know! I didn’t take it because by the time anyone offered to get me a prescription we had hit our stride. Some people don’t get their periods until stopping nursing completely.

  7. Yeah, the high prolactin levels that it causes (higher than normal breastfeeding levels – usually prolactin is very high at the beginning and then subsides as other hormones take over) suppresses ovulation.

    She’s planning on stopping breastfeeding by one year, so hopefully we’ll have at least a couple months to get a sense of her cycle again.

  8. If her cycle is back, she could get pregnant fine without ending bf

  9. Yep, but one year feels right for all of us. We have a frozen stockpile of breast milk and D’s just recently stopped pumping. J eats solids with enthusiasm, and might even self-wean before then.

  10. I was hoping there’s a stockpile! I know you know how good that milk is for her. I also know that with limited opportunity to ttc, you want to stack the odds in your favor.

  11. Sarah says:

    I’m not sure how I missed these two posts, but I hope you enjoyed your birthday!

    That dream sounds so powerful – I can imagine missing a child that came to you in a dream that way. I hope she’s shows up in your arms at just the right time.

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