As a single mom by choice, my biggest fear is having a medical emergency and not being able to take care of Wallace. I’ve had food poisoning, migraines, the flu, and a few other illnesses. It’s easy to put off taking care of myself because I need to take care of him. And I don’t have people to call on to watch him (well, right now my mom is at work and my two close friends are at work or busy) for doctor’s appointments or emergencies.
Currently, I’m monitoring some scary low blood pressure and trying to rationalize not going to the ER. I’m super tired, a little dizzy, and it’s hard to concentrate (yep, so I’m writing a blog post…). I’d have to get us dressed, pack us up, and drive us there. I also lack confidence in the idea that a doctor will actually help me and figure out what is going on.
To explain why this isn’t totally freaking me out, I’ve been dealing with low bp, orthostatic hypotension, and blacking out for 20 years. At one point, I was on a medicine that was supposed to help my migraines but was originally made to treat high bp. I would stand up, walk across the room, and buckle onto the floor as my vision blacked out. It mostly went away for a while until I got very sick when I was 20 and figured out I have Celiac disease. It was under control for the most part as I went gluten free, but I was already adept at preventing full blackouts. I could tell when my bp was dipping because I had trouble holding onto glasses or heavy cups.
About a year ago, I was trying to get my doctor to help me and to determine what was causing my chronic fatigue and pain. I had a few low bp days around me appointment and that’s all she fixated on. She erroneously stated there’s no cause for the low bp and that I had to go on daily medication to bring it back up. In 20 years, she was the first person to think I needed medication. I cried and left and picked up some herbs and electrolyte drinks. I haven’t been back since.
So, for now I monitor my bp, get us dressed, maybe pack a bag, and hang out at home taking it easy. If I have to drive to the ER, it will be with Wallace.