I woke up at 3:40am and had to pee. It had been less than 14 days since the wild ride that was my self insemination with the help of my third known donor. I had had 6 negative dollar store tests and I knew that if I was going to test that day then it was the best time to do it.
I slowly watched it develop in disbelief. My heart raced. I started to sweat. I was alone besides a sleeping roommate and three cats. I had to be at work at 7:30.
I posted my blurry, badly lit picture in my lesbian moms group. They talked me through it. They congratulated me. They made jokes. I slowly got calmed down and went back to sleep, wishing I had someone there with me.
I was on my way to motherhood.
In two days, it will be my 30th birthday. When starting to plan my path to being a mom, my goal was to have a kid by 30. Well, I did it! Now, I know for sure that I want another and wish it could happen sooner than later. If it logically made sense, I would be planning and trying again.
I see all my friend’s with bellies, then babies and want to do it again. Pregnancy wasn’t a breeze, labor and delivery were not as they could have been had I had other resources, and breastfeeding was a mess to say the least. I don’t want a do-over, but I feel more prepared for a second time.
I don’t foresee the next time being on my own. There will be someone there to wake up and celebrate with when I take the test in the middle of the night.