I don’t want to write anything today. I don’t want to be introspective or funny or an open book. I want to not have to deal with my life right now.
I get like this more often than I’d like to admit. When life gets emotionally overwhelming, I tend to pull away from anything that makes me think about it until it all feels less intense. I will distract myself with my phone or cooking or other peoples’ issues. I do know that writing helps me, and I often get great feedback and support on here.
Talking it out helps when I’m too stressed to write. It has to be someone who knows what all is going on and gets me. I have a few friends to hash it out with but not someone fully invested in the nuances of my life. It’s like having a snack when you really need a hardy meal.
So that’s where I am when I don’t write regularly. I am working through my things as best I can and will probably come back with a wopper of an update when I can make sense ot it all with words.
Good Families Do... 
This sounds…very familiar. Knowing when I’m in a cycle in which I’m removing myself from the intensity of my life can sometimes help me break out of that, but it’s hard when so much is happening. And it feels like no one really understands or has the time and energy to care. It feels a little less alone when other people voice similar experiences. Thanks.
You’re welcome. And it helps me to know you do this too. I agree that being mindful helps me to eventually pull out if it. Part way through writing this, Ida from Preemie Growth Project called and talked to me for an hour. An hour of someone knowing (one part of) what is going on and listening to me with a heavy dose of “you are not to blame.” It helped a lot.
Very familiar indeed. It’s so easy to feel like you’re (one is…) putting yourself and your struggles out there, in front of people who don’t care, and forget that many of those people read your writing precisely because they can identify and understand much of what you’re dealing with, and have their own messes they’re wading through. But sometimes we need the space to think first. Writing is one of the first things I stop doing when things get … challenging. Writing helps me process things, but sometimes I need some space to think things through first. I hope things smooth out for you soon.
Sorry to hear you are feeling low. My writing peters out then too and afterwards I’m sorry because although I’d like to be a witty and entertaining blog, more often than not its value is in the thrashing out of my feelings. Sometimes there isn’t time!
Sending a hug as you work through things. Hang in there.