I used to believe in something bigger than myself, something somewhat magical. I don’t know when I lost it. Was it after too many heartaches? Was it after too many injuries and illnesses? Is it because I’m jaded about the inate good in people and our culture? Either way, I feel the loss of it and believe that finding it again could be a missing piece to my healing journey.
I used to feel wonder at the natural world and hold past and future lives as Truth. I used to look at people and see their spark or soul or their passion for life. When I was pregnant, I had one very vivid dream of my future child wherein he confirmed has name and his soul glowed. I woke up sobbing because when the dream ended he was no longer in my arms.
I need to find this again. I need to reconnect with Spirit and trust in the Universe. Problem is, I don’t know how. I would love any suggestions or anecdotes that will help me (maybe I became too literal and problem solving oriented?).
(I was raised Lutheran but started studying Buddhism in high school. I have read many books that have inspired me and helped to shape my beliefs over the years. I no longer feel connected to the creative force that I once felt while writing, performing, and hearing poetry.)
Good Families Do... 
When I lived in Chicago I used to attend the Zen Buddhist temple at Lincoln & Addison, maybe just visiting and sitting in a quiet place during their meditation service would help you clear your mind, thoughts and see a path.
During my first 6 years in Chicago, I went there and the Kwan Um group that meets at Depaul. When we lived there for 9 months a couple years ago, I had no childcare so I couldn’t attend anything. We now live in Michigan and the nearest temple is about an hour away. It’s the one I first went to and I feel at home there (though also an outsider). I was able to make it once but have been swamped with schoolwork and lack of money. I would really like to go. Maybe I can figure out how to do some guided meditation in the evenings now that classes are almost done. I am not sure where to start with that.
That is really hard because I feel like those paths are so personal. What works for one person may not work for another, hence all the religions in the world. What about trying a bunch of different services in different places?
There is ine Buddhist temple an hour from me, so that’s a bit time and cost prohibitive.
Also, I didn’t mean to imply that I need some sort of physical place to go to. I just have no idea how to reconnect with anything spiritual. It’s like my brain shuts it down anytime something starts to sound “woo-woo.”